Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
