someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Randomize
