my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
