I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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