Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
