Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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