hotel room ftw
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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