I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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