sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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