Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there was a trapeze. enough said
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
