there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
