one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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