remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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