shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
