Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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