Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
