Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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