just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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