found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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