my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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