a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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