don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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