i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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