i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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