this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
