not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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