is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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