ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
