Don't make out with my wife yet
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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