i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My dick has a subreddit
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
