You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize