I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
