what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
