i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
