The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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