remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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