he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
