So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
