You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
