my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ketchup is God's man juice
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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