On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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