i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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