I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
