a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
