I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
