I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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