i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Couch. On fire.
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