i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
