he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just invented taco cereal.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
