I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i out mim tonsoeep
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