Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
