I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize