I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
