But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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