I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
