need another drink. this is the easiest way
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
