i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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