we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
whose ass print is on the piano?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
