i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
