My nipple is on Facebook.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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