Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
