I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
