He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
