I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
your room smells of hookers.
And success
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize