Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
