Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
